Find compassion for those struggling with mental health

Communities in Carbon County have had a dark cloud settle over what is typically a sunny summer with the loss of three lives to suicide. 

This overwhelming loss proves two things: it is difficult to know what battle someone is fighting internally and we need to talk about it more than we already do. I am no stranger to the tragedy of suicide and the struggles in Wyoming with mental health. Nearly four years ago, the Saratoga Sun lost its publisher to suicide. It was a shock and one which still remains with me as I still find myself wondering what, if anything, could have been done to prevent it.

I also have had my own struggles with mental health. From middle school to adulthood, I have made several suicide attempts none of which I will detail here. One of the final attempts, exacerbated by an unsafe dosage of a medicine which was not working for me, landed me in the Behavioral Health Services Unit of Ivinson Memorial Hospital in Laramie. I was one of the lucky ones, who despite an ongoing battle with my mental health, continue to push through each day.

When we suffer a loss in our community from suicide, it is common to hear others say they are available for those considering suicide to reach out to. The new suicide hotline number, 988, is spread around the community. While I’m thankful for such resources, though frustrated that our state legislature chose not to fund it, my experience has been that those resources aren’t used when dealing with active suicidal thoughts. When I was at some of my lowest points, I didn’t reach out to people who offered themselves in times of struggle nor did I contact a suicide hotline.

Instead, I had convinced myself that my issues were of no consequence to anybody. That it wasn’t worth it to burden someone, whether friend or stranger, with my inconsequential struggles. Recently, I had someone ask me if I would have admitted myself to Ivinson Memorial Hospital in 2015 if it weren’t for those closest to me; namely my wife. While I would like to say that I would have driven myself to Laramie and followed through, the truth is that I likely wouldn’t have even made it to Laramie. Left to my own, I likely would have talked myself out of it and chances are I wouldn’t even be here today.

Instead, Telitha drove me over and both she and my son stayed with me until I was ushered into the hospital after the intake process. After three days at Ivinson, when I thought I was ready to leave, my entire family encouraged me to stay over the weekend. I’m glad they did.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the support system that I do and they may not even know how to form such a system. The support system only works, though, if the people who are involved know what to look for and can be proactive rather than reactive.

The most important thing is that we have to be able to talk about mental health and suicide with an open mind. I understand how uncomfortable it can be, especially when you are unsure if being honest about your own struggles may make others view you differently. Those of us who struggle with our mental health could easily win an Academy Award as we quickly become masters at masking our struggles. We’ll smile and laugh, going about our day-to-day business, while a dark cloud gathers in the back of our mind and finds insecurities to feast on. It’s only when we are around those we feel we can trust, or when we’re exhausted from the fight, that the mask will fall away.

If you are close to someone who struggles with their mental health, here is one very important piece of advice: do no not accept the answer of “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” if it is painfully obvious they are not. Take the time to sit with them and let them know that, for however long they need it, they have your attention. I will add one disclaimer: it will take some time for them to open up. Even today, with members of my support group, I will sometimes give the answer of “nothing’s wrong” even though my mind is swirling with countless thoughts.

To be frank, it is not easy to be part of that support group because struggles with mental health are almost like struggles with addiction. There is no linear path, there can be several steps backwards after huge leaps forward and there can be times where those of us in the struggle are our own worst enemy.

This leads me to another important piece of advice: try your best to be free of judgment. While it is not possible to hold no judgment at all, those who struggle mental health and suicidal ideation won’t open up if they believe they’re being judged. This includes previous attempts and mentions of suicidal ideation.

The only way forward is to talk about it. It won’t be easy, but things that are worthwhile never are. If just one life is saved, though, it will be worthwhile.