Notes from Kaitlyn Campbell

Editor’s note: Kaitlyn is returning for the summer to help us out here at the Saratoga Sun. We are looking forward to her insight into the community and it’s happenings

I’ve learned a lot after my first two years of college.  Of course there are the obvious ones - the importance of studying and work and going to others for help.  However, I’ve also learned to place a strong emphasis on having a social life, and spending time with friends.  Hanging out is easy in the summer, but less so during the brutal Wyoming winter.  

In order to have fun in the cold, I have spent a lot of time playing board games.  The majority of these games are super nerdy - I’m talking about games where the rule book is a full length novel and it has more pieces than a puzzle box.  Unfortunately, not everyone is down to play a game that requires two hours to learn to play, so I have also spent time playing classic board games.  Clue, Life, Uno - all games you can pull out and play for a good board game night.  

During this time, there is one classic board game that I’ve found to be the worst to play.  That game is Monopoly.  Actually, game is a strong word for Monopoly.  

Monopoly is not a game, it’s a war of attrition.  

I have never made it through a full game of Monopoly.  Most games I’ve seen with everyone getting bored, and just declaring someone the winner.  Everyone thinks it’ll be fun at the start, but that hope is lost five hours and the remaining players are begging for the sweet release of death.  No matter how good your strategy is, you only win if you can outlast the other players.  

To remedy this issue, I have found that it is incredibly fun to cheat at Monopoly.  Now, this doesn’t mean cheat as in fudge some dice rolls. This means cheat as in repeatedly knock the game pieces over until the other players get so annoyed they give you property to force you to stop.  This is a strategy I call Chaos Monopoly.  Here are some different ways to play Chaos Monopoly,  based upon the innovation I’ve had with my friends:

• Form an alliance with other players.  Do a handshake and agree that you now share all property, and pool your resources together.  You get double the turns, double the money, and one less person you need to beat.  (Note: this strategy is ill advised against moms who are highly competitive, trying to collude with your sibling is a good way to turn Chaos Monopoly to Grounded Monopoly.)

• Put an extra piece on the board.  When the other players notice that piece and ask whose it is, don’t say a word.

• Steal from the banker if you are sitting next to them.  If you are noticed, immediately pawn the stolen goods off to another player and blame the act on them.

• Bring Nerf guns to the table, and use them in every negotiation.  Use them indiscriminately on players who don’t give in to your demands.  Keep track of your ammo supply, as he who controls the Nerf guns controls the game.

• Take a separate Monopoly game beforehand, take all the money from it, and keep the stack in your pocket.  Enjoy your infinite supply of money, and pass bills under the table to other players.

• Steal from the community chest.  When the other players notice all the cards are missing, put them back, but immediately try to steal them again the moment no one is paying attention to you.

The more players that participate in Chaos Monopoly, the better.  The most notable game I participated in was during my birthday celebration.  Someone ended up in jail the entire game.  Someone ended up with three hotels on turn two due to the alliance strategy.  Someone “died” due to a nerf gun, and the moment he played dead on the floor everything he had was stolen by the other players.  The bank was robbed five times.  It was great.

Of course, this is all highly morally objectionable and goes against every sacred board game rule.  Now in any other game I’m with you, the rules must be upheld.  However, Monopoly is the far greater evil in this situation, and so we must do terrible things for the sake of fun.  

One final note for Chaos Monopoly is that it works best when someone plays straight and by the rules.  Absolute chaos is better when there is a structure to rebel against.  If this person is the banker, all the better.  

Now of course, I don’t blame you if you like playing Monopoly the normal way.  But the next time you are stuck inside due to a snow storm, and really want to have fun with your friends and family, maybe consider adding a spin to a classic board game.