The twelve steps of Christmas

Let me be honest. I have hit the holiday wall. I’m not sure why I am done with the holidays before they are done with me each year, but it is definitely a reality.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to see my family for Christmas and New Year’s, but I am over all of the build -up, and am just looking forward to a little relaxation without the Christmas hype.

While pondering this I realize that I could apply the same 12 steps that I use in the rest of my life to get me through the next couple of weeks.

1 We are powerless over Christmas (and the other holidays) and our lives have become unmanageable.

As it turns out, I have nothing to do with the world’s celebrations and expectations of Christmas, New Year’s, Thanksgiving and the other holidays as the year begins anew. By definition then, I am powerless over it. That could be a helpless feeling, but as part of my powerlessness I have to also turn my world over to a power greater than myself in order to find meaning in the wintry season.

Where my Christmas gets unmanageable is when I can’t prioritize family, work and my own expectations. It may be a cop out, by I’m just not that good at getting all of my Christmas shopping done on time and everybody seems to be fine with that except for me. Thankfully, the adults in my family now just give to charities instead of fretting over the “perfect” gift.

2 We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity (even after we miss a shipping deadline).

The old saying in 12-step programs is that anything can be your higher power including a door knob if that is what helps get you through.

For me, I have to learn to better let the world do its thing without trying to control it. If a couple of presents get in the mail late or I can’t find that perfect thing for my kid, the world will continue on another trip around the sun and, more than likely, no one will care in even a couple of weeks much less in a hundred years. This acceptance of a higher power determining that there is good in the world whether my material goals are perfect or not helps restore my sanity.

3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives (and our travel plans) over to the care of God as we understand God.

This is one I am going to have to use in case our travel plans for Christmas are hampered by the weather. If there is one thing I know I don’t have control over, it is the winter weather in Wyoming. If my higher power so chooses, we’ll have a small family Christmas at home and then get down to see relatives when the roads are better. When I put it that way, it really does sound like my God is looking out for me.

4 Made a searching and fearless moral (both good and bad) inventory of ourselves.

This one has always been tough for me. I am not one of those people who likes to dwell on my past downfalls and I am not prone to patting myself on the back. So, when I start to get down on myself during the holidays, I have to take some time out to remember to think about what I have done, where I am going and what I am planning to do. Taking the good with the bad, it turns out I’m not such a bad guy after all, and I should remember that.

5 Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs (even the small ones).

Admitting my wrongs to God and to myself has never been much of a problem for me, but finding a trusted loved one to really put my poop on a plate for has been difficult. Personally, it has been a necessary step in my life to be more open with my family and allows me to be a better parent, husband and child. This step has helped me to be less selfish and allowed me to see that the things I have done wrong are not generally as bad as I think they are.

6 Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character (especially midnight snacks).

This is a step that seems easy to get to. All it involves is the will to be a better person throughout the spectrum of your life. Around Christmas it makes me think, can I find a little more joy and love in the world, be a little less critical of others and maybe, just maybe, eat a little less cake when I wake up at 2 a.m.

7 Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings (no really, the midnight snacks could stop).

Another thing they say in 12-step meetings all the time is that foxhole prayers don’t work. So, when I have screamed at the top of my spiritual lungs for God to take away my defects, it hasn’t worked instantaneously. Instead, I have had to learn patience and through practice allow God to let me move with less resistance through this world. Now, when do I humbly find God’s will that I shed a few of these extra pounds.

8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed (or sent gifts to late) and became willing to make amends to them all.

This is a step that makes a great Christmas present to yourself. Keeping my side of the street clean is just a good housekeeping effort. If I am aware of the mistakes I have made and can come clean with those around me I have affected, I can move forward in life hopefully making less mistakes. It turns out the relatives that I always seem to get Christmas presents out to late every year are not even bothered by it. If I had made that amends years earlier, it would have saved me a lot of stress.

9 Made direct amends to such people whenever possible (even over Facebook), except when to do so would injure them or others.

As it turns out willingness goes a lot farther with action. The biggest Christmas present I will be getting myself this year will be moving further down my list of amends. I encourage others to make an amend or two this holiday season as a gift to yourself. I can say from personal experience that even if an amend does not go well, I still feel better afterward. “It’s none of my business what someone else thinks of me,” is a quote that helps me prepare for the amends process.

10 Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly (yep, it helps if you do it quicker) admitted it.

Well, I am far from perfect, and perfectly aware of that. I strive to be fair and accurate in my dealings with the world, but I’m bound to be wrong sometimes. I pray for the ability to be able to see those wrongs for what they are, admit to them and then move on with my life. I hope everyone else has that same prayer answered for them.

11 Sought through prayer and meditation (even if it is a ‘bumper-sticker’ prayer) to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

Now, these last two steps are what has been getting me by lately. When work or home life are getting too crazy lately I stop and meditate or pray, depending on the situation. My most common prayer is “Thy will, not mine.” A close second is the Serenity Prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” Or, the short version of the serenity prayer which I stole from Seinfeld, “Serenity Now!”

12 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.

Step 12 is a self-fulfilling prophecy in this article. I have found a way to make peace with a higher power and I am trying to pass it on. My God probably doesn’t look, smell or sound like your God, and that’s a perfectly fine thing. My belief is that all gods are forces for good in this world. The necessarily flawed nature of our human existence may get in God’s way every now and then, but as humans we are capable of love and acceptance of everyone.

This season, my hope for all humanity is that we can slow down, find the good and the love in others, as well as ourselves, and spend these holiday days basking in the love and warmth of our families.