April Fooled

In the April 1 edition of the Saratoga Sun, I contributed a piece on "Beaching Disease". It was the only time in the six years I have worked here that we have actually put out a paper with an April 1 date. Some people missed the other clues that this was an April Fool's joke. The clues started with the fact that my name was on the byline. I don't write news stories (once I did several years ago because we were spread thin on meetings), I am the graphic artist and part-time semi-humorist here. Next, the Saratoga Sun has no "Senior wild life correspondent" (notice the wild life is two words). There is no National Wildlife Service (I checked). And there is no person named "Va Pescado" (Spanish for "Go Fish"), at least around here anyway.

If you look up poisson d'avril on Google the very first entry lets you know that poisson d'avril is French for "April Fool's.

We even said it was an April Fool's joke on page 4.

That didn't stop one guy from coming into the office demanding we print a retraction on the front page of the following week's paper.

We were going to do that anyway but it was still a pretty good idea ... and I got to write that too.

By the way, who had the guide concession for pitchforks and torches anyway?

I am actually used to people showing up and yelling at me about something I have written. This wasn't the first time. Probably won't be the last.

I found out Friday night though that some people were rearranging their schedule to show up at Veterans Island to help "grease fish".

When one guy found out he had been "had", he made his way down the bar to where I was and ...

... shook my hand and said "That was great! You got me!"

Most of the folks I talked to thought the whole thing was hilarious but I started to think, "Hey, the guides did actually have a point.", and alternately, "What if a lot of people show up Sunday (an Easter Sunday no less) and are mad about being pranked?"

I talked at length with Mark Pesognelli, one of my more level-headed friends, and came up with a plan so I wouldn't get lynched.

During the discussions, the phrase "too clever for your own good" kept popping up. That phrase has dogged me most of my life.

What we finally came up with though is that I would get food and be waiting on Veterans Island Sunday at noon.

Off I go ... to get paper plates, plastic forks and spoons, charcoal, serving spoons, foil cooking containers, baked beans, hot dogs, buns, condiments, chili, chips and soft drinks.

Overall, I spent about $100.

If you knew what I make, you would be impressed.

So there I was with Mr. Pesognelli (who had volunteered-out of pity I think) cooking hot dogs, chili and beans at about 11:30 a.m. on a blustery Easter Sunday on Veteran's Island.

I had even put signs (see bottom left photo) up at the entrance to the Island letting folks know that although the Beaching Disease thing was an April Fool's joke, I nonetheless appreciated their community spirit and, could I get you a hot dog or chili dog and a soft drink?

Mark and I had a few chili dogs and root beers and waited.

Eventually, one of my other friends, Chilly, showed up to see the "crowd".

I stirred the chili.

We watched Mark's dog, Mitzi, having a blast running around on the island.

Mark rotated the hot dogs on the grill.

I pointed out to the guys that this would be an Easter they wouldn't soon forget.

We laughed.

I stirred the baked beans.

We swapped bad jokes.

Chilly decided he had better things to do and went home to do laundry.

Mark stirred the chili.

I decided to use some of this time constructively and started roaming the island collecting stray trash.

Mark stirred the beans again.

I took some time to walk up to the new bridge connecting the Island to near the hot pool. I have heard this termed "Zeiger bridge" and chuckled about that as I went to see the thing. I think this label started off as some kind of slight to our former mayor-but there are plenty of worse things to have your name attached to than a nice walking bridge.

Between 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m., a total of three vehicles slowed down long enough to even possibly read my signs.

I have no way of knowing whether they had come to volunteer or whether they were just surprised to see signs where normally there are none.

I do know that none of them came out to the island to claim a free lunch and/or yell at me.

So, while a prankster often has to "eat crow" after a joke like this one ... it looks like I'll be eating a lot of hot dogs.

And I think that's funny.

If you are one of the few who didn't think the original story was humorous, perhaps you might find some measure of fun in the way it blew up in my face.

If you don't think that's funny, maybe you would get a chuckle at me having to think of everything I might need to feed people who might be irate, spending the money to get said stuff, and then standing around cooking and waiting on the temperamental throng to show up-only to have that horde be a multitude of none.

If you don't find any of that funny, there is a cure.

Send $9.99 to the Keith McLendon Institute for Humorology at P.O. Box 489, Saratoga, WY 82331 today. In return, I will send you, or someone you love, a lovingly-crafted cents of humor complete with hand-lettered certificate of authenticity.

I will even send it to someone who could use a cents of humor anonymously if you send me their address.

See, you can buy a cents of humor.

Just to be completely honest for a second, what you will get if you send in to the "Institute" will be two pennies with smiley faces marked on them glued to your certificate (see photo below). Whether I end up making a dime on this venture or not-either way-it's funny.

That's just my two cents though.