Kids! Choose your electives wisely

Choosing an elective in school can be an important stepping stone in your life. I took drafting and architectural drafting in high school which helped in more ways than I would have thought possible when going to college for graphic arts. Looking back on it, I probably would have made a LOT more money had I continued to pursue the architect thing. But hey, then you wouldn’t be reading this would you?

Metal shop taught me how to run a lathe and a mill, how to use a torch and how to weld (both arc and gas). These are things I have used sporadically through the years. You might think I took wood shop because of the signs I have carved that are strewn about the Valley, but how I got there was a completely different path.

I also took Spanish but quickly forgot everything I learned through disuse. Today, it turns out, Spanish is an increasingly useful thing to know. Who knew?

From all this, you can see choosing an elective wisely helps to put your foot on a path you can happily follow for the rest of your life.

Picking the wrong elective can also shorten that path considerably.

Say, for example, you choose … Oh, I don’t know … suicide bombing.

I bet you’re wondering how I got to this obscure and explosive elective.

I’ll tell you.

I was perusing my usual news sources the other day when I came across this headline from the Associated Press:

“Suicide Bomb Instructor Accidentally Detonates, Kills 21 Students In Iraq.”

I am going to give you a space or two to let that sink in.

There yet?

Apparently at a training camp in Baghdad insurgents accidentally set off a bomb leaving 21 dead and getting around 24 arrested. The article went on to say “militants were attending a lesson on car bombs and explosive belts when a glitch set off one of the devices”.

That’s a hell of a “glitch”.

Maybe they just should have gone to ITT.

There isn’t usually much funny about suicide bombing or any loss of life at all for that matter — but since I am not currently at an American airport (where you CAN be arrested for making jokes) …

Several questions almost immediately flew into my mind:

1) How do you get certified to teach this class?

2) What kind of trouble do you have to get in to get sent to the principal’s office?

3) Did the kids make a short circuit because they were still sweaty from P.E?

4) What were the other electives available?

5) Was the teacher a substitute that day?

6) Hey Dad! Can I borrow the car bomb?

7) Did they set the timers wrong on the previous in-service day?

8) Did everyone just “bomb” the “pop” quiz?

9) Why, oh, why do teachers insist on “showing your work”?

10) Did they get “denominator” confused with “detonator”?

11) Was that test NOT “multiple choice”?

12) Isn’t this taking “no child left behind” a little far?

13) Just out of curiosity, what was the school mascot?

I also came up with several scenarios for the instructor getting really mad and inadvertently setting off said bomb:

1) Instructor caught little Assad asleep and drooling on his desk again.

2) Spitwads kept hitting chalkboard.

3) Found out lunch that day was Mujaddara … again!

4) Caught Jamil and Akmed passing notes.

5) Foreign exchange student, Billy, would not shut up.

6) Pay cuts, pay cuts, pay cuts.

7) No one had their homework done.

8) Frustrated because no one “buzzed him in” to the building for a half hour.

9) Found obviously faked excuse note from “Mom”.

10) Half the class forgot their No. 2 pencils.

11) Sick of hearing about prom.

12) Still psyched from the pep rally.

13) Mad no one showed up at last week’s class reunion.

14) Had a “short fuse” to start with.

15) Pupils constantly asking to go to the restroom.

16) Hakim was tardy yet again.

17) Just plain tired of taking attendance.

18) Hired WSBA to find new superintendent.

19) Found “kick me” sign put on back by class clown.

20) Being forced to teach “common core”.

21) Bummed football team lost again.

22) School funding cut due to low standardized testing scores.

Several people were arrested running away from the “campus” but I think the bus driver got away clean. Maybe all this happened because the instructor had a change of heart and decided to save lives by nipping these would-be-bomber clowns in the bud. Who knows?

Anyway kids, choose your electives carefully because what you learn in those classes can stay with you for the rest of your life.