Articles written by keith mclendon


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  • Bet you're glad that's done

    Keith McLendon|Nov 5, 2014

    I’m Keith McLendon, and I approved this message. Of course I did. I wrote the damned thing. After a given candidate has run on for his 30 seconds about how evil he thinks his opponent is, they then have to let you know (in no uncertain terms), that they agree wholeheartedly with the words that were just coming out of their mouths. I know PACs (Political Action Committees) pay for a lot of advertising. These messages do not come directly from the candidate’s campaign, so the PACs would like you t... Full story

  • Hand-me-down pranks

    Keith McLendon|Oct 8, 2014

    There are loads of fun (and semi-abusive) things most guys teach their kids. Ever hear of a Native-American Burn? Well, neither have I since they used to be called Indian Burns. But that’s rant for when I can get my ducks in a row to tackle “political correctness”. Anyway, my father taught me the trick which, if properly performed, turns the affected area red and burns temporarily. It’s great sadistic fun! If you are not aware of how to do this ask an old guy. He’ll probably be happy to show you... Full story

  • Celebrity nympho hacking scandal

    Keith McLendon|Sep 17, 2014

    It’s time again for the new model year and the old model year-end clearance sales. Summer has come to its Labor Day ending and fall is in the air. For me, this means my birthday is around the corner. This year, I will have hit the half century mark. The big Five-Oh, or maybe Five-Ow seeing as some part of me almost always has some kind of pain. The new normal is a traveling soreness. My foot might hurt one day, my shoulder the next. The knee is acting up today or maybe it was a backache. Some da... Full story

  • Flyrod o'clock

    Keith McLendon|Aug 20, 2014

    Moving to the Platte Valley requires adjustment. As you make friends here, you will find one of those adjustments will be learning to fly fish. This does not, as you might expect from the name, involve very small fishing poles with rotting bits of meat as bait for flying nuisances. It’s much worse than that. The west, in general, is chock full of “ideal fly fishing spots” and we have an abundance of them along the entire length of Platte Valley waterways. You see, Wyoming is host to some of Am...

  • The spring cleaning shuffle

    Keith McLendon|Jul 16, 2014

    Spring cleaning has come late for me this year. I normally try to do this during the appointed time of year, but if you recall spring this year was a rainy and extremely windy one. I know that some folks have managed to be on top of the spring cleaning thing because of the abundance of garage sales we have already had. Garage and yard sales, I would think, are a pretty good indicator of the whole spring cleanup in general. When I get around to the pre-summer flushout I like to throw everything...

  • Getting in to getting out the vote

    Keith McLendon|Jun 25, 2014

    So you’re running for office. Congratulations. No, really. I commend your effort and desire to make things better. There are a few things you should know though. People are going to start giving you their “Here’s what you need to do …” speech. I won’t be doing that here. Folks will be telling you to “Go door to door”, “Get out and knock on some doors” and the like. The reason I never did that when I ran two years ago is that A.) I’m basically lazy and B.) I don’t like it when people come to my...

  • Stop and smell the road cones

    Keith McLendon|May 28, 2014

    Was it that last snow? Was it the re-emergence of the sun? Rising springtime temperatures maybe? I don’t know what exactly sets off the infernal bloom, but it happens all across the West … every single year … right about this time. They pop up faster than head shops in Colorado. They are more pervasive than celebrity award shows. More perfidious than stupid text abbreviations. What am I talking about? Road cones. Not just road cones either. Orange barrels, construction signs, reduced speed...

  • Could it maybe be your problem?

    Keith McLendon|Apr 30, 2014

    Our life in the Valley is what some folks like to call bucolic. It could also be termed sedate, leisurely, and even just plain slow. Several restaurants around the valley boast a sign that says “If you are in a hurry, you are in the wrong place.” People who are in a hurry here are more than likely to be a little frustrated. I remember when I moved here my bosses at the time would take me out to lunch. While I was anxious that this was regularly taking longer than an hour, my employers did...

  • Ghosts of April Fool's Day past

    Keith McLendon|Apr 2, 2014

    I hope that all of you survived April Fool’s Day. For those of you still cleaning shaving cream and the like out of various places … you might need a chance to read about some other’s misfortune. Since I have already done a column about the origins of April Fool’s Day I decided to share some other practical joke vignettes with you. While none of these were actually pulled on April Fool’s Day I still couldn’t think of a more fitting time to present these stories. NICK THE HIPSTER A new guy aro... Full story

  • Kids! Choose your electives wisely

    Keith McLendon|Mar 5, 2014

    Choosing an elective in school can be an important stepping stone in your life. I took drafting and architectural drafting in high school which helped in more ways than I would have thought possible when going to college for graphic arts. Looking back on it, I probably would have made a LOT more money had I continued to pursue the architect thing. But hey, then you wouldn’t be reading this would you? Metal shop taught me how to run a lathe and a mill, how to use a torch and how to weld (both arc...

  • Our can can't, or, please fix our super bowl

    Keith McLendon|Feb 5, 2014

    You never know what you have until it’s gone. That is a truism that has been proven again and again as, well … true. For instance, I have gotten used to using the toilet on a “regular” basis. I also enjoy having a hot beverage like coffee or tea on my desk as I work. Neither of these things are possible without having one very important element around. Okay, two elements combined. Freakin’ sticklers … Anyway, water is the topic of today’s verbal torrent. The reason for all the lamentation i...

  • Wyoming, on a first-name basis

    Keith McLendon|Jan 8, 2014

    I have written about how everyone waves at each other around here and I have detailed some of the curmudgeons scampering about the Valley. If I didn’t know better, I’d say this is a friendly place. I had it illustrated to me again the other day, but in an entirely new way this time. I was sitting in the back room of the Sun eating some lunch and flipping through some past articles when I caught the tail end of an interview our new reporter, Mike, was on. Mike wrapped up the interview by say...

  • Black ice and other Wyoming driving wonderments

    Keith McLendon|Dec 11, 2013

    Driving in Wyoming is a mystical and beautiful experience … … most of the time. Wyoming scenery is beautiful in summer, explosively colorful in fall, serene in winter and refreshing in spring. These visual attributes can make a long drive seem much shorter. There are, however, other factors that can come into play that can make even short trips a long and living hell. WIND: The first, and most nearly omnipresent, of these miseries is the wind. While wind-farmers can always boast a bumper cro... Full story

  • That's a high horse of a different color

    Keith McLendon|Nov 20, 2013

    I’m heading out to the stable and I’m on the lookout for my high horse. In the darkness I fail to see my normally mottled mare because she has decided to paint herself black for halloween. Her hero is Black Beauty, so I see no problem with her costume choice. But I am about to find out my mare has become a nightmare… During Halloween week the internet was inundated with articles about actress Julianne Hough. Apparently Julianne put on a lot of bronzer and went as “Crazy Eyes” Warren, a charact... Full story

  • Retro Blog: Gays take another mainstream tradition

    Keith McLendon|Oct 23, 2013

    America has been through folks “coming out of the closet”, which then led to boisterous displays of gay pride. During this time America was force-fed a message of “tolerance”. Not to say forbearance and understanding is a bad thing in the least, but I personally hate being told how I should feel. Gay pride eventually settled down a bit after the initial “shock value” wore off and then went to work on actually settling down. The homosexual focus today seems to be squarely on marriage. O... Full story

  • Retro Blog: Dealing and dueling with the DMV

    Keith McLendon|Sep 25, 2013

    I recently got a letter from the state Department of Transportation informing me that my driver’s license was about to expire and did I want to renew it by mail. The letter went on to inform me that renewing by mail is a very simple process and all I had to do was send them the documents from the enclosed list. The list was not short. Apparently federal and state law now requires: 1. Verification of identity. These screwballs sent me the letter informing me of my license’s impending inv... Full story

  • Retro blog: Are you a secret celebrity?

    Keith McLendon|Aug 28, 2013

    With news of the National Security Association going through your emails and listening to your phone calls, I want to know if you feel like you are being watched enough. When a respected magazine like “Popular Science” writes an article entitled “The NSA Sucks More Than You Thought”1, you should really begin to question why and how these people got the authority to sift through your personal communications. God only knows what drones are watching us across the country. So, we’re being watched o...

  • Retro Blog: Greenhorns at the gate

    Keith McLendon|Jul 31, 2013

    If you have just moved to a small-town rural area, someone will eventually invite you to “take a ride in the country”. This can also be phrased as “wanna see my ranch?”, “let’s head up the mountain” or any number of cleverly concealed requests. At first blush, you will think these folks are doing you a favor by showing you more of the country you liked enough to move to. This is not so. There are ulterior motives involved. Folks around here are going to be mad at me for spoiling their fun, bu...

  • Retro Blog: Which came first - The Chicken/Egg answer

    Keith McLendon|Jul 3, 2013

    Since time immemorial (or at least a very long time) people have asked the question: “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”. The question itself usually is used to say “no one really knows” much in the way that “Does the Pope wear a funny hat?” is used in place of “yes”. I have given it some extensive thought though (apparently I have way too much time on my hands), and I believe that I have actually come up with the correct answer. The best part of the chicken/egg answer is that it fits...

  • Surviving small-town Wyoming Part 6: Road trips

    Keith McLendon|Jun 5, 2013

    I came to Wyoming to scout out my then-future home 20 years ago. The plan was for me and my employer at the time to fly into Denver and rent a car to drive to Saratoga. Eventually I asked how long the drive would take. When I heard, I thought four hours a long drive after a flight. I was then assured that “people from Saratoga drive to Denver all the time” and that it was “no big deal”. I took it with a grain of salt then but have come to learn there is a good deal of truth in those stateme... Full story

  • Retro Blog: What Mom gave me and what I took

    Keith McLendon|May 8, 2013

    You may have noticed that I mention my father in my articles to a fair extent. I find it amusing to goad my sire as regularly as possible because there is an off chance he will reply. His replies are usually, at least, moderately amusing. I am pretty sure my warped sense of humor comes almost exclusively from my father. Most of the time what I find amusing about my mother’s humor is what she finds funny. I also got logic and the ability to dissect a problem from my father. So what did I get f...

  • Licensing your pressure cooker

    Keith McLendon|Apr 24, 2013

    How are we, as a nation, going to overreact this week? Knee-jerk solutions seem to be the only answers the politics of the day can offer. I hear that we will soon have to register our pressure cookers because they can be used to make Boston Baked Bombs. Too soon? Really, I do have enormous sympathy for those affected by the senseless acts that seem to be happening across America and the globe with increasing frequency. The problem I see is that the solutions to these problems are targeted...

  • The 'good, bad and ugly' in commercials

    Keith McLendon|Apr 3, 2013

    Recently, I have noticed some disturbing (to say the least) advertisements on television. Some advertisers are unnecessarily portraying their services as “good”, some are unintentionally putting themselves in the “evil” category, and more than a few come up as just plain ugly. ChristianMingle, an online dating site for Christians, uses the tagline, “Find God’s match for you”. While I have no problem with Christians finding a mate and concede that ChristianMingle’s service may indeed be a goo... Full story

  • A wee short journey to paddywhackery

    Keith McLendon|Mar 13, 2013

    March 17 is again upon us. The holiday that falls on this day marks the death of Saint Patrick in the fifth century and lands itself fairly in the middle of the Lenten season. To be brief, Lent is a Christian observation lasting 40 days. those 40 days are a period to be observed through prayer, penance, self-denial and repentence.1 All that (including restrictions on meat and alcohol) gets lifted for St. Patrick’s Day, also known as the Feast of St. Patrick. To me, this helps shine a light on wh... Full story

  • Flurries, blizzards & whiteouts

    Keith McLendon|Feb 20, 2013

    It’s winter in Wyoming and I feel I would be remiss if, at some point, I did not write something about snow. There are several directions that can be taken with this subject. I could write about the serenity of snowfall, the poetic beautify of a pristine snowscape, the thrill of skiing through fresh powder, the fun of getting out and seeing white vistas on snowshoes or the value in moisture snowpack brings to the Valley. Maybe I’ll put these down on paper eventually. It’s not the direc... Full story

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