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I went on vacation last week. I had planned it for months. Get some much-needed relaxation and unwind a bit, you know. The plan was to fly to Houston and then board a cruise ship going to the Yucatan Peninsula. I did that. I had some fun. But the day before I was to leave I got some bad news. Liz Wood, the Sun’s general manager and my favorite boss ever, informed me she was leaving for greener pastures. I knew this was going to be on my mind the whole trip. You try to NOT think about s...
Somewhere in the Middle East a new scourge is rising with the goal of taking down the American federal government. Okay, so the Middle East I am talking about is the middle east of Oregon and the terrorists involved here are a bunch of mostly white rednecks with “legitimate” axes to grind with the federal gummint. So righteous were “Y’all Qaeda’s1” claims that they banded together to raid and occupy the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, the offices of which were closed for the weekend. Th...
Amid the week after Christmas, piles of wrapping in bags, shiny paper and boxes in trash with the tags. Sad little scissors sit broken and bent, from clamshell packaging--they don’t make a dent. The lights are still sparkly, still light up the town, but pretty soon work begins in taking them down. Kids run around ‘cause they’re still out of schools, having a good old time while acting the fools. But the tots are forlorn from here to Hoboken, Christmas is gone and their new toys are broken. Uncle...
Have you heard about this “Elf on the Shelf” character? Perhaps I should say Elves on the Shelves. There are definitely more than one. I hadn’t until this year. Apparently elves appear on east coast shelves more than out here in the west (or in the south for that matter). Probably a denser population thing. Can’t overtax Santa’s attitude meter can we? The deal is that elves, which appear to be figures made of ceramic, wood or cloth during the daylight hours, keep an eye on the children...
Today I get to wax poetic on dissatisfied stars. Sound like fun? When asked by Britain’s Time Out entertainment magazine over breakfast if he would like to play 007 again, Daniel Craig (most recent James Bond incarnation) replied that he would “rather break this glass and slit my wrists.” What? Perhaps he was just “in character” for his next acting role as an incredibly hyperbolic idiot. Maybe that conjecture was a bit harsh. Look, I know doing anything over and over again can get repetitio...
Did you know you aren’t supposed to actually wash pots and pans? At least not the way I always have you’re not. It turns out that good cookware should be wiped clean shortly after the vessel cools. If you try to clean it while it’s still hot your run the risk of warping the pan in question. Pre-soaking is okay for short periods. If you soak your stainless-steel pots the way I have you will eventually find that the metal used to join the pot section to the handle is not stainless steel but rathe...
I like a good argument … a debate … verbal sparring … even a decent row. I will sit down and discuss any subject — but prefer to have that conversation with someone who knows what they are talking about and has their facts marshaled in a logical array. It does not matter what age, race, gender or sexual preference that person might have as long as they are willing to let me put my two cents in as well. I argue most effectively if I have some actual data to add. I will not debate a point that I...
In Minnesota a boy named Trey suffered a traumatic brain injury that very nearly killed the teen.1 As a result of this injury Trey suffers migraines and pain so great that it hampers his daily functionality. The child turned to self-harm and eventually became suicidal because of the pain. In an effort to help Trey, his mother traveled to Colorado to see if medical marijuana could help with the teen’s condition. The mother finally came across a cannibis oil that seemed to relieve Trey’s pain and...
The Platte Valley Trout Run 5K fun run kicked off the morning followed by the SHS volleyball team's Duck Race fundraiser. The 20th annual Saratoga Steinley Cup microbrewfest capped off Saturday's events on and around Veterans Island. Steinley Cup Winners Steinley Cup Winner: Smoked Spice & Everything Nice Altitude Chophouse Brewery, Laramie Brewer: Jared Long People's Choice Winner: Watermelon Wheat Library Sports Grille & Brewery, Laramie Brewer: Mitch Kunce Red Chili People's Choice Susan F....
Summertime is here across America. Yes, summer has even made it to Wyoming. With summertime comes the blooming of preadolescent-run lemonade stands across limitless tracts of urban and suburban real estate. Children across the nation begin to raid their parent’s supply of lemonade mix, plastic cups, ice and occasionally even (gasp) lemons and sugar. Their busy little hands turn to markers, paints and poster board to create cute little signs to attach to the folding table or box that will b...
There are just loads of people out there that leave me with absolutely no idea as to why they are famous. Your mind most likely went to the same place mine went. When you ask a question like; “Why the hell is that person famous?”, almost everybody comes up with the same answer. Okay, I asked that question around the office and nobody came up with an answer at all. So that last statement was just plain wrong. See, I don’t know everything and my perceptions are just as flawed as anyone’s. But whe...
Over the years I have kept notes about things that I find interesting or might want to write a story about. I have files with several half-finished and half-baked tales (including one about my cats that I can’t believe I haven’t finished yet). I have stacks of articles for research into even more narratives and then … and then I have the scribbles on assorted napkins, thoughts scrawled on scraps, and musings that festoon (I LOVE that word) my desktop calendar pad. It is the latter I will be co...
I have to admit to being a little superstitious in everyday life. For example, I’m the guy who will pick up a penny if it is head side up. If not, I will turn it over so the next guy gets a heads up penny. I try to be a nice guy even when no one is watching. I avoid walking under ladders. Not because of bad luck but because it’s just a generally bad idea. Stuff falls off of them. As a general rule though, I’m not too superstitious. Unless I am watching sports. Recently, I have been watch...
In the April 1 edition of the Saratoga Sun, I contributed a piece on "Beaching Disease". It was the only time in the six years I have worked here that we have actually put out a paper with an April 1 date. Some people missed the other clues that this was an April Fool's joke. The clues started with the fact that my name was on the byline. I don't write news stories (once I did several years ago because we were spread thin on meetings), I am the graphic artist and part-time semi-humorist here....
Keith McLendon contributed a “news” story in the April 1 edition of the Saratoga Sun about “Beaching Disease”. That article was intended as an April Fool’s joke. The Saratoga Sun has been informed in no uncertain terms that this article held no humor for area outfitters who book fishing trips....
Please note: This was an April Fool's Day joke. Va Pescado, communications director of the National Wildlife Service, has confirmed that Beaching Disease, poisson d’Avril, has been detected in brown trout samples taken from the North Platte River. Beaching Disease causes trout to beach themselves rather than the typical whirling found in the closely-related Whirling Disease. Fortunately, Pisces Incorporated, of Minnetonka, Minn., has developed a gel that, when rubbed on the gills of potentially...
Okay, so I stole a quote from Shakespeare’s Henry the Fifth to talk about something as mundane as laundry. I’m not going to let a little theft “hamper” me. GUY LAUNDRY So I was doing laundry the other day. Guy Laundry. Guy Laundry is where you wait until you are down to at least the bottom half of all the clothes you own and finally decide “it’s time to do laundry”. Some guys will wait until they are down to holes with bits of shirt defining those holes and bathing-suits-for-...
Recently I went south to Houston to see family and friends. This time I flew out of a regional airport that turned out to be both closer and cheaper than our nearest big city hubs. The security is much less stressful to get through at a regional airport and this particular regional airport actually lands the big jets and not so much with the little sickness-inducing prop hoppers. It is also neat to walk up a portable ramp to board your 737—it seems to harken back to an earlier and simpler m... Full story
Perhaps you remember the little dustup I had featuring my car and a wall a few months ago. I wrote about the harrowing 14-hour trip I completed and how I later decided to go soak in the hot pool to try and unwind. I penned (typewrote) the extreme amount of unwinded-ness I achieved when, on the way back to my house, I fainted and used a local establishment’s wall to turn my ride into modern art. I let you know that the local police and ambulance crews made the experience as pleasant as such a s...
American football’s BIG GAME is fast approaching and I thought it might be a good idea to take a look at the sport’s colorful past. I am tempted to give a breakdown of the teams going to the dance, but the Eneffelle (and their legal pitbulls) have prohibited pretty much everyone not officially licensed from using either the names of the teams going to the “Stupendous Shindig” or the actual name of the bowl itself. Since I don’t have express written consent from the lords of American football, I...
This is an example of when the headline came first. The article came only after the headline refused to leave my thinker thing. I wasn’t thinking about peas. I wasn’t thinking about the phrase you probably thought of when you read the title. I was a little down about my recently-wrecked cute little green car, but I wasn’t thinking about what kind of foods might make me feel better. It just showed up in my frontal lobe’s inbox. It might have been beamed there by little extra-quirky ,inter-dimensi... Full story
Amid the week after Christmas, piles of wrapping in bags, shiny paper and boxes in trash with the tags. Sad little scissors sit broken and bent, from clamshell packaging--they don’t make a dent. The lights are still sparkly, still light up the town, but pretty soon work begins in taking them down. Kids run around ‘cause they’re still out of schools, having a good old time while acting the fools. But the tots are forlorn from here to Hoboken, Christmas is gone and their new toys are broke...
Well, it’s the holidays. Like many Americans, I hop in my car and drive to see relatives for Thanksgiving. Specifically, I go to see my father and his wife in Lawrence, Kan. This mostly-annual trip is no small undertaking as it is about 1,561 miles round trip. I set out Tuesday night for Cheyenne to stay with friends and get a running start on the 11 to 12 hour trip (that’s if you don’t stop a lot). The weather predictions are clear for the days I had planned to travel and I have been lucky...